I still don’t drink beer until afternoon

Mom

said not to

drink beer or

hard liquor

until after the noon hour

or I would be

an

alcoholic

 

I never drank

even beer before noon

unless on a vacation —

mom said

it’s okay

to have morning drinks

during breakfast

on trips

 

Later in life

a friend asked me

to go

to a few AA meetings

with him

 

I asked each one there

when they had their

first drink each day?

Each gave a time

always after

the noon hour

 

 

I asked how

they could be

an alcoholic

when they don’t

begin before noon?

Everyone stared at me

for several minutes

even my friend

 

 

Could mom

be wrong?

 

 

I guess there

was a message

in all that silence

and  all

them AA members

staring at me

 

 

Could

mom

be wrong?

 

 

 

Connie, remember falling in love?

where

ever

you

are

 

 

do you

remember

we

loved

one

summer

at

cocoa beach?

i did not know what to say

shyness is crazy

it didn’t do me

any good

all those years

of being afraid

of rejection

 

 

in fact

when i was

lucky enough

to walk

with a girl

in high school

 

 

i didn’t

know

if i should

hold

her

hand

 

 

when i didn’t

which was

almost always

i saw

disappointment

in her eyes

when we

went our

own ways

i was too shy to ask you to be my friend

i was afraid you would laugh

or walk away

if i asked to be your friend

 

those were the days

before texting on a cell

or going on facebook

and asking to be a friend

 

 

back then i

missed chances to

to fall in love

or just have a friend

because i was afraid

to say the words

on the phone or

in person . . . those words,

can i be your friend?

 

 

it’s easier now

with texting

no one has to

have their feelings

hurt

and if someone says no

to a friend request

just simply look at

other photos

and send more friend requests

I revisit my lost dreams

I hope

to find the path

back to my dreams

I keep reaching

to grab the rope

to begin my climb

to dreams I almost

reached

but I let go

of the rope

that would

take me

 

 

 

I hope the rope

does not break

this

time

 

welcome to my private thoughts

I am sharing with you

ragged poems . . .

I used to be concerned

with perfection

but that did not

work out

as I am very

imperfect

 

 

welcome to my

imperfect world

where I’ll

share my thoughts

and imperfections

 

I wonder

if my thoughts

are like your thoughts &

I wonder

if you could be

my friend

if you really

knew me

broken pieces

can you

put me

back

together

and

discover

what

I

was

like

before

I

fell

into

so

many

pieces?