getting a second opinion

1 Oct

it’s a cloudy memory
over 5 years passed

this is how
it happened . . .

something was wrong
I was bent over
unable to sit for
more than half hour
not sleeping
not eating

I’m dying streaming
through my mind

first doctor
said I was stressed
and depressed and gave me
pills for depression
I will feel renewed soon
she said

pills caused me to
spiral into depression & fear
I had never known

doctor said
come in for another visit
she gave me
different pills
and the spiral into darkness
continued

called the doctor back
she said
see a psychiatrist
it’s all in your mind

I kept thinking
I could have cancer
I found comfort, reading
all the books I discovered
of people who survived cancer

it’s a strange and lonely feeling
when you feel death at your door
and not knowing
where to turn

a friend . . . another doctor
saw me a month later
ordered tests and
blood samples
CT scans
X rays
and the phone call came . . .

my doctor said
find a surgeon immediately
I felt shock
the days turned to
clouds of fog

met with surgeon
serious he said
better schedule surgery
tomorrow

that was over 5 years ago
It took a year to recover
from the anxiety, fear and pain
that had mounted
I became best friends with
anxiety and depression

since then
when my friends named anxiety and depression
come around, we are
on better speaking terms

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