Knocking on Jesus’s Door

hi Jesus

i’m suppose to be “joyful”

the church people tell me —

i smile to make them think i am joyful

but you/

and i/

know better …

it’s all about the feeling

of not achieving the things

i have always wanted/

it’s not about lack of food

or money/

i don’t remember the last time i smiled

or laughed

except for someone telling a joke/

i’ll continue to wait

maybe this is my new normal

i’ll sit at home &

eat peanut butter on graham crackers

& drink milk —

makes a good meal, really/

i’m here at the

same place

you know where to find me/

until we talk tonight

as we do 3 hours each night,

i’ll read one of my favorite authors

maybe do some oil painting

and pray for all who come to my

mind who also have needs

( Jim Wortham, September 19, 2022)

Waiting for time take me for a ride

do you ever feel like this

“i’ve done what I can do —

now i will wait it out

i’ve done it all

desire for trips/ gone

desire to write books/gone

desire to eat out/gone

i want to be left alone/

to be a recluse

i like music if i can

understand words

don’t want

to start a new project

or do

what i did in the past —

it will never happen

not time left

nope, not time

just so little time left

should i build a rocking chair

or read books

by my old writer friends

who have

passed on

what to do, what to do, what to do

God knows how i feel

i think he is fine with it

we spend 3 hours each night

sitting in the living room

talking about old times

and new times to come

(Jim Wortham, September 19, 2022)

Let me try . . . to make you feel good!

I’m at an age

where I’ve gone through

so much (that is not all good)

so many people

have disappointed me

i don’t blame them

they are human

aren’t they?

and humans are this way–

they make mistakes,

some are greedy

some are out

only for themselves

they just

don’t

know —

as years pass by

their lives & values will change

i used to be self-centered

i am becoming (or am)

a recluse (or a hermit) now

wanting to be alone

& often not answering my phone ///

While you, my friend, are still young

my

advice is

be kind to others

love all people

overlook other’s faults

expect nothing in return / / /

if you have read this far

i send you my blessings

and prayers

that you will

have a beautiful life

& God will guide you

in your perfect life’s path

—- Jim Wortham, September 12, 2012)

Will you be my forever friend?

i must share how it was

i gave my time to anyone who wanted it

anyone who wanted to be my friend–yes!

i wanted many friends when i was young

in my teens and twenties (and later)

years and years and years passed

and most of my friends are gone

(maybe they really did not want me as a friend

once they learned i had imperfections)

many who i shared time with

are gone, so gone, i have no way to contact them

may i share about my time now with you?

time has become valuable

as i have become badly worn

with wrong jobs

friendships that did not last

lovers who no longer

answered their phone and texts ///

now

is

soooo

different . . . today

time has become a treasure

i don’t know how much time i have

i know i have fewer hours

left

i will be your friend

if you don’t leave me

my time is tied to my time to live

please

only come to me

if you will be my friend

forever

— Jim Wortham, September 11, 2022

She says “age does not matter”

it happened at a drug store

today

have you had someone

say age does not matter?

that’s exactly what she said . . .

she waited on me for a prescription

she knew my age

& I only imagine

as I looked closely

at her face and body

she was

in her twenties

she asked

“do you have plans tonight?”

i said if i wasn’t married

she would be the person

i’d like to be with

surprising to me

she said

if you change your mine

i’ll leave you my text

number

i thanked her for everything

and said maybe

we will meet again

thanks for making me feel good

i was feeling a bit down

& i haven’t felt so young

as you just made me feel

she said

i’m telling you the way i feel

in your case

age does not matter

&

don’t lose the paper

with my number

i smiled

and walked away

–Jim Wortham, September 10, 2022

Finding my Soul Mate

just walking down a road

saw an inviting place &

stopped at

THE OLD MONK PUB

it had a fancy sign

with the words

“THIS IS A CLASSY JOINT–

COME ON IN”

went inside

and ordered a drink

there i sit

sipping slowly

wondering if i’d ever meet my soul mate

a lady walks in with a beautiful smile

asks “can you use some company?”

yes and i’ll ask our delightful server to

bring you a glass of whatever you’d like to drink

i tell my friend

i’m drinking–lookin for answers

while having a few drinks

i’m wondering when i’ll meet my soul mate

& where it will be

Shannon (that’s my new friend’s name)

said she came here

to have a drink &

think about if she would ever

find her soul mate–

we kept having drinks

while laughing

& telling jokes

till

closing time

we walked out

hand

in

hand

wondering

if

our

questions

were

answered

(Jim Wortham, September 10, 2022)

I won for a few years

it was when I self-published my book

When Twilight Begins

poems flowed

i’d carry a notebook — poems flowed while walking

or sitting in a sports bar

or sitting on my apartment couch

//////

more books published, maybe 2 a year

sold in bookstores —

waldenbooks, dalton booksellers,

barnes & noble, borders

books-a-million & gift shops

& college bookstores

//////

i thought the winnings were mine forever

i thought the good times would never end

then in the mirror

my youth turned into

an aging face

//////

i dated

and thought love would never end

//////

i didn’t know that when races are won

one day

there’s not another win

//////

letters from ladies slowed

my phone stopped ringing

//////

no one brought

snacks and drinks to enjoy

night

any

more

__________________________

(Jim Wortham, August 9, 2022)

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