it’s a cloudy memory
over 5 years passed
this is how
it happened . . .
something was wrong
I was bent over
unable to sit for
more than half hour
not sleeping
not eating
I’m dying streaming
through my mind
first doctor
said I was stressed
and depressed and gave me
pills for depression
I will feel renewed soon
she said
pills caused me to
spiral into depression & fear
I had never known
doctor said
come in for another visit
she gave me
different pills
and the spiral into darkness
continued
called the doctor back
she said
see a psychiatrist
it’s all in your mind
I kept thinking
I could have cancer
I found comfort, reading
all the books I discovered
of people who survived cancer
it’s a strange and lonely feeling
when you feel death at your door
and not knowing
where to turn
a friend . . . another doctor
saw me a month later
ordered tests and
blood samples
CT scans
X rays
and the phone call came . . .
my doctor said
find a surgeon immediately
I felt shock
the days turned to
clouds of fog
met with surgeon
serious he said
better schedule surgery
tomorrow
that was over 5 years ago
It took a year to recover
from the anxiety, fear and pain
that had mounted
I became best friends with
anxiety and depression
since then
when my friends named anxiety and depression
come around, we are
on better speaking terms