i am next . . .
but maybe not
it seems like it could be that way
when i look around
those i once played with
ate with
talked with
evaporated (to heaven?)
it is hard to hold on to the idea
they would not be here forever
not
even
me
poetry
i am next . . .
but maybe not
it seems like it could be that way
when i look around
those i once played with
ate with
talked with
evaporated (to heaven?)
it is hard to hold on to the idea
they would not be here forever
not
even
me
I was hoping
anxiety would stay away
But lately he shouts my name
louder and louder each day
then he piled too much
for me to jump over or through
& I fell, fell & fell
looking around
i see
no one
to help me up
Dear God
please help me
it was when I self-published my book
When Twilight Begins
poems flowed
i’d carry a notebook — poems flowed while walking
or sitting in a sports bar
or sitting on my apartment couch
//////
more books published, maybe 2 a year
sold in bookstores —
waldenbooks, dalton booksellers,
barnes & noble, borders
books-a-million & gift shops
& college bookstores
//////
i thought the winnings were mine forever
i thought the good times would never end
then in the mirror
my youth turned into
an aging face
//////
i dated
and thought love would never end
//////
i didn’t know that when races are won
one day
there’s not another win
//////
letters from ladies slowed
my phone stopped ringing
//////
no one brought
snacks and drinks to enjoy
night
any
more
__________________________
(Jim Wortham, August 9, 2022)
it’s okay
another day, another week, another month
without inspiration
to write // my writing life may be over
I’ll still try
even though
nothing these days
seems
worth anyone reading
I’ll keep trying
waiting for a breakthrough
_____________________________________
Jim Wortham (August 8, 2022)
time, you are speeding up
i am slowing, slowing, slowing // down
went to sleep after 5 am
yes, sleep problems nightly
thinking/worrying about
whatever floats through my mind
i make myself get up at 11:30 am
eat grapes
drink coffee
read
part of a book
i don’t look at emails
or text messages these days
not often, also
leave my cell phone off
don’t need to talk to anyone
these days
i miss the days when
i had friends & phone calls
today —
a day to be alone /
will go in my backyard
look at trees/ still green
(although autumn’s coming)
listen to birds
trying to figure what
birds are saying to each other
all is well in
my part of my world
i am
just tired
most days
time is moving on
faster than
i can keep up
i will have campbell’s tomato soup
and crackers tonight
will eat alone
i’ll light a red candle
and count the days
until
? ? ?
i, i, i
not sure what comes next
_________________
— Jim Wortham (August 8, 2020)
WOW
i saved all my coins
each day
in coffee cans
and
in 2008 & 2009 when
the great recession happened
I took all my cans of money
to a brokerage company
in louisville —-
the professional investment folks
working there that day
thought I wasn’t quite right —-
no one does something
like this they said
among themselves
in a bad market like this,
one lady who worked there
smiled & looked kindly at me
I over–heard the men investors say
this crazy guy just brought in a car load of
coffee cans from his pocket change
and he is going to invest it
in this down market
and lose every penny
of his savings
I asked the lovely investment lady
(i liked her smile, kindness & how she dressed)
to buy me
about $50 or more
of stocks selling for less than $1 a share
on the new york stock exchange
that she thought were good companies
(there were hundreds
or more well– known stocks
selling for less than $1 for one share)
I heard the men stock employees
say “this kid has no idea
what he is doing
he is going to lose everything”
i overheard them
and I said “hey buddies
I’m older than you
and i bought my first stock
when i was 14.”
(they thought I was joking
but i was telling the truth)
days later i received a letter
from the kind investment lady
telling what she
bought me
————FAST FORWARD ———–
a few
years later
when most of the stocks
went up 10 to 20 times higher
(or more)
i bought my poetry shack
where i live & write from
totally in cash &
now i live a simple life
it’s like I’m living like a king
(but not a rich king)
and write
poetry
to make
others
feel
good
& to my surprise
I’ve been lucky
enough for
4 books to be
recently published
can life get better
than this?
nope!
I received a letter today
from a reader of my books
from california
she said
“will you,
please
will you be my poetry man?”
depression
you are welcome
to hang out
here
during the past
you only visited
occasionally
It’s now like this —-
I lost my
parents, brother
& pets
I have a room
& an empty bed
for you
but feel free
to hang out
& we will
eat crackers
& pickled pig feet
& sardines with mustard
while listening
to old records
of the blues
I’m glad
I have someone
to talk to
who
understands
how
things
are
—– Jim Wortham, August 1, 2022
The days
pass
too fast now
my body
is resisting
sleep
falling asleep at 2, 3, 4
sometimes it’s 5:30 a.m.
I get up
at noon
no desire to eat
I eat things from
like tuna, sardines
pickled eggs
& pickled pig feet
& dollar store crackers
& candy
I leave
my cabin
to get
mail like
food coupons
& walmart ads
bills
I have no energy
my body
slowly
is
returning
to
dust
_________________________
—-Jim Wortham July 30, 2022