I was afraid to ask you for a second date

We were in college

I lacked confidence

to date you more than once.

When I called after our first date

you said you already had plans.

I took that to mean

you were not interested

in me.

Now, years later

you found me on social media.

You asked why I never called back?

You hoped I would.

Why was I so insecure?

Why did I feel you did not care

to date me?

Now we are both married.

You ask if there is still a chance?

I want to be your friend

but I’m afraid the time

we could have had

for a forever relationship

is gone.

watching the clock tick toward the last days …if the doctor’s report is true

I read the doctor’s report

not just one diagnosis

but several

one being terminal

It was on the hospital

patient “portal”

I discovered how to enter

my personal portal

My doctor never discussed

that one deadly

diagnosis

never

It might mean 3 months

or just a few years

to get my final plans

together, as they say

No medicine was given

to relax my thoughts

or bring sleep

I don’t know whether to

ignore the doctor’s report

and hope it is a mistake

I have no motivation

I read books

mostly poetry & biographies

of authors long gone

I stay at home as a reclusive

Hot dogs

& baked beans from a can

make good meals these days —

they are affordable

as I live

wishing

& praying

my thoughts

were happier

I always hope for

good dreams

if I get lucky

& fall

asleep

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